Archive for May, 2013

Sanity and Smoothies

In order to keep my sanity I need a few things. Just a few…I’ve created a list, because I like making lists. I usually forget things, but let’s see how I do.

Alone Time: I like to hear my own thoughts. This allows me to be who I am, and it helps me piece things together. If you’re always around other people constantly, then you become like them. I want to be who I am. I like to just sit back for a minute and think to myself quietly, just to piece the days of my life together. I was around someone for a long period, next thing I know I was doing what they did. I’m not a monkey. I can’t figure MY next step if I’m always in your face. Alone time also gives me that chance to pray and tune in with God.
Change: I cannot do the same thing repeatedly. I don’t want to go to church and sit with the same saints and hear the same stories. I want to reach out to the masses. If I frequent the same places and see the same faces, it becomes old. I like consistency, so I sometimes make mistakes in this area. I found myself waking up at 7:30AM, prayer, breakfast (if I have time), school, work, home, sleep, and repeat the same schedule. So, one day as I was driving I told myself I needed to slow down and change up the pace. I took different routes to my destination, went to a different worship service, ate different meals, and even went to a movie on a work day. Yes, I decided to be late to work. Switched it up, so cool right. Careful, because of Adam and Eve (or should I say Satan…hmmm) we have to work. 🙂
Exercise—I hate exercising, I hate to sweat, I hate not seeing results. Although, it teaches you that if you do things half-heartedly then you’re going to get exactly what you put in. A nice walk will do. Also, I’ve heard it creates endorphins.
Love: Love is THE most important thing. It’s the number one thing that promotes growth. Let love seep through your fingertips. I can be weird at times. I found myself always wanting to tell people I love them, but I’d always say it in a round-about way. We all want to be loved. So, I called my annoying little sister and told her how much I loved her. Awkward. Yes. Very. I still did it. JINGLE TIME: “Spread a little love today, spread a little love my way, spread a little something to remember”
Laughter: Do the laugh you do when your stomach hurts, tears fall, and you can’t speak
Consistency: Consistency in the people that I care about most.
Bible Study: It reminds you that there are –no new problems under the sun-. The problems you have today, God was able to fix way back then. He didn’t wait for technological advances. The same God from then is still in existence today. There is that consistency thing again. The love we need is in every word and in every chapter.

“Spread a little love today, spread a little love my way, spread a little something to remember….”

Speaking of Sanity:
Isaiah 26:3
Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee

God says I have sanity for you. I have the perfect peace that you need. If you would keep your mind, your eyes on me and not your problem I will do this for you. Trust me to get you through this world. He’s better than smoothies. He’s my sanity.


Where I Belong

Some days I feel like I was born in the wrong generation. I feel like I’m not 22. I like electricity, I like the Internet, I like air-conditioners, I like cars, and many other technological advances. God doesn’t make mistakes, so I am meant to be right where I am.
Growing up, God came first.
Everyone had a Bible somewhere in their house, even if they didn’t read it. We would have family dinner and say our prayers of blessings and gratitude before we ate. Now, either daddy or mama has disappeared and the child is eating a bag of chips and a soda. God’s word was revered, and you wouldn’t be playing Temple Run 2/Words w/ Friends or Candy Crush on your smart phone during church. My heart bleeds, I can only imagine how God must feel.
Growing up my mom taught me many things.
Mom taught me how to be a lady, but now being a lady just doesn’t seem to matter. Be loud, the boys will notice you. You are a different gender for a reason. God doesn’t make mistakes, but that doesn’t matter much these days. Nearly everything she taught me is now looked upon as strange. If I’m strange, I accept that. If I’m the last one picked, I accept that. If I’m never picked, that’s cool too.
Lie to get ahead.
Step on the heads of others to make it to the top.
Don’t say please, just take it.
Marriage? Huh, what for?.
Smile/Be kind to strangers/Say, “Thanks” to the person that patiently held the door open for you.
Naw, I’m too busy.
Talk behind the back of the very person you laughed with and called a friend 5 minutes ago.
Demand things, yell, use profanity no matter who’s around.
Use the “N-word,” “red-neck” or any other racial slur but get offended when someone else uses it.
Walk by the person crying. Everybody cries.
I know it all, and I don’t want to hear ANYTHING you have to say.
Old people ‘don’t even matter’

I’m 22 and all the things I’ve been taught seems to be obsolete. But, I do know that just because everyone else is doing it that does not mean it’s right. Although, most days I feel like I’m the strange one, I’m happy to be just that. I’m free to be me, free to be who I’m called to be, free to be what I’m supposed to be. This world isn’t my home, I’m just passing through, and I’m so glad. BUT, while I’m here there’s no time for complaining. I’m accepting the fact that I am 22 and God doesn’t make mistakes. 🙂

All I know is that I’m not home yet, this is not where I belong, take this world and give me Jesus, this is not where I belong…but while I’m here…

Swallowed My Pride

What is the reason for asking for help? I can nurse my own wounds, right? Wrong!!!

The idea of asking for help bothers me. I’m a big girl, I can do it. And, you know what else? Big girls don’t cry. I prefer to do it on my own, but occasionally we have to ask for help. Spring 2012 semester. The usual excitement was not there, but then again, it has never been there. I really don’t like school, but it’s one of those things I feel I need to do. It seems to be the more prudent choice, and the only way to futuristically stand on my own. Over and over, I’ve heard get your education, and no one can take it away. I like my own stuff, so I’m getting my education.

Well, I’ll just take a seat, sit back and relax, I’m here now. The teacher initially listed was well-known around campus. He had a good reputation, and the students said he was the best. Then, in walks another guy on the first day of class: A short white guy with glasses. Wait, he’s smiling as he walks in. Hmmm…that’s odd, but he seems nice. Still, it’s too early to tell; so, I’m not excited. His name isn’t the same as the well-known guy around campus. His name doesn’t match the teacher listed either. Please, tell me I’m not in the wrong class! Later, it was confirmed he would be the teacher. Surprisingly, I don’t mind a change. Weird, because change is scary. Apathy Day?
“ Okay, we’ll start with introductions,” says Mr. X. Great, just great, I thought. I have nothing to say, way too much pressure for this girl. Does it even matter who I am? None of these people will remember me. Now, I make it my business not to allow my teachers to know my name early in the semester. It’s not always possible, but I have my ways. The purpose for the plan is to avoid that, ‘Oh no please don’t call on me’ feeling. Plus,  If you don’t know my name, you won’t call on me. Clever, I know. I’m such a smart girl, haha. I usually accomplish the mission unless I start saying something dead on or something dead off. So far it seems I’m accomplishing my goal. Awesome, we’re smooth sailing. He doesn’t call on me. I was fine. I was cooler than the flip side of my pillow. He looks like that little guy from the show, The Voice. I wonder if he knows that. Maybe I should tell him. Noooo, telling him this would constitute as me saying something dead on or dead off. I’m choosing to keep my mouth shut. We still have a few more weeks in the class. I started to notice something about myself as the teacher went over Chapter X. Chapter X and Mr. X made me aware of my little issue.
He and Chapter X piqued my interest. I can’t raise my hand– Not today, the semester is not over yet. We have one more week. But, I have to ask these questions. He seems to really understand.  I set out on a quest to find the PERFECT day to ask about Chapter X and my little complex—strategic planning on full blast. The time has come; I swallowed my pride and entered his office with my questions. OMG, I ramble, stumble, tumble over every single word. That same smile from the first day of class appeared on his face which calmed me and reminded me that asking for help was just what I needed to do. Things are better now. As with everything it takes time. I’m glad my teacher was the short guy with glasses and a SMILE. I’m glad I swallowed my pride and asked for help.

Just Smile

Just Smile

 A smile is undoubtedly inviting to a person in need. Swallowing your pride occasionally is necessary.
Proverbs 16:18 – Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.

Proverbs 19:20 – Listen to counsel and receive instruction,That you may be wise in your latter days.


Hot Pink in Spring 2012

I had to introduce myself. I also had to share something interesting about myself. Well, I had nothing interesting to share. I’m sitting on the second row and I have to tell something interesting. Quick thought: I could make something up! Wait, can’t do that either. It’ll backfire. OKAY, my turn: My name is Tiwana, and I don’t have anything interesting to share, maybe later though. Mr. X, decides to interject, “Well, do you have a dog or cat?” I hate dogs, and I don’t have a cat. I hear a few laughs and the attention went away. I was DE-lighted. Glad that’s over.

After my turn, a girl said “My name is ….” Ok, I forgot her name, but I’ll never forget her or the laugh she gave me that day.  Let’s call her Amber. My name is Amber, and I’m the brightest person in the room. Some person pops up with a quick, “What?” [Oooo, why did she say that]. Get this– she had on a bright hottish pink hoodie. Seconds later her face and her hoodie matched. That color plus embarrassment, quite the combo. I didn’t see her in the class after that day, but I saw her running to a class later that semester.

Best Friends

I believe in forever. I believe that love is forever, and friendship is forever. So, if we were friends yesterday, we are friends today. Most people disagree–I know.

I don’t use words such as: “I love you” or “Friends” casually. It takes a while for you to FIT into such categories.

I met this skinny, nerdy girl back in the 6th grade. Of course, she had glasses. She was always saying, “Hi” and she barely knew my name. I usually wonder why a stranger would greet me as if we’ve known each other since the womb. It causes my head to tilt to the side with curiosity. Eventually, we had a class together in 8th grade. The first couple of days in 8th grade something hysterical happened–every single day. I’m not exaggerating. I threw my head back and laughed my heart out. I tried to stop, but I couldn’t. I held my cheeks, and I still couldn’t stop laughing. No one else was laughing, except for me and the skinny, nerdy girl. We looked at each other and had a field day. We started talking and laughing about everything. She didn’t talk much, but neither did I.


The hanging out, talking about secret crushes, random moments, eating pop tarts, sharing quarters, nickels, and dimes, song lyrics…we became friends. She is a friend that loves at all times, even when she’s angry with me. She is a friend and she is a sister.


We are growing up, and we are now making decisions to better our futures.


She is choosing the Army. I’m scared and don’t know what to expect. But, you know what else brought us together? She believed and followed Christ, and I do too. He has kept us. I do believe he’ll keep her over the next four years. I am honored to have you as a friend.


I love you, my friend!