Archive for August, 2013

Please Stay…

LeeWhen I was 8, I had my first celebrity crush. At the time, I knew him as: The Famous Jett Jackson. Oh, how mesmerizing were his eyes. The fascinating thing about the show and my celebrity crush was that the show was about a teen attempting to live a normal life in North Carolina. I live in South Carolina! If I walk out of my house I just might meet him! So young, so hopeful…I thought one day he’s going to be my boyfriend. Later years, I always thought of him and his handsomeness. I especially liked him in Akeelah and the Bee. I received the sad news that someone so young, with such a promising life had committed suicide. I understand that celebrities are human, and I try not to get involved in their lives. I allow them to entertain me, and not necessarily their life story. I do not want to hear their gossip, follow their life (reality shows), I want privacy so I try to extend that much to them. There are a million other people that want the story, and I can’t help that. The Famous Jett Jackson ran across my mind about two weeks ago. Mr. Lee Thompson Young and his eyes. I begged my younger sister who has an account with every social media out there to look him up on Twitter and Instagram. A week later, I found out that he committed suicide. I literally wanted it to be a lie. Eventually realizing that it was all true I couldn’t stop talking about it. I wondered why I felt so connected to the story. I remember noticing someone close to me was having suicidal thoughts, and it hurts to see people in that much pain. I have always had the urge to go in and erase all of the pain as if it were a dry erase board. In this life there will be pain. It’s the consequence of a fallen world. The only way to be pain free is heaven. Not everyone has this view point, but I do. The person telling me how depressed they were told me they would never commit suicide. But, when the days grew darker all that the person said went out of the window. All of their morals and values went out the window; it was now all about getting rid of the pain. I had never seen so much pain, or personally experienced the pain they were explaining. I realized that there was nothing I could do. This was their choice to choose life, make lemonade with the seemingly absence of lemons, sugar, or pitcher…their choice.
Lee Thompson Young always seemed happy. He obviously held everything in, and felt this was his only option. No matter how much I want to NOT believe it. He’s gone. I wasn’t there to know the full details, but once you’re gone, you’re gone. When you choose suicide I can no longer call to say, hello when I need you. I can’t ask you for the hug that I need. You left me. I can only imagine how his family must feel. Now, if only they can be comforted. What bothers me about suicide is there are no real goodbyes, no consideration of other people. I’ve heard people call him a coward since his death, gay (only because they never saw his girlfriend-rolls eyes), and many other things. When I’m gone what will they say about me? Does it even matter? NO. What if he knew that it does not matter what other people thought of him. Would that have saved him? Your life is yours, live it. God gave you a free will. Yet, people don’ t. Guess who gave you life. You guessed it, God. I don’t think it’s cowardly to commit suicide. However, I do agree 100% that it is incredibly sad. My life is not my own, MY identity is in Christ and ultimately I belong to HIM. He decided when I’d be born, so he chooses my farewell to this earth. Not everyone feels this way. Nobody knows your pain, and when a cat is cornered, you know the rest. We all make mistakes when we’re feeling hopeless. I just wish more people would realize how precious this life is, and that there is hope as long as you have breath in your body. When in pain sometimes it seems no words can make it better, but someone can. Young found another religion, but if it doesn’t free you then what is the purpose. Whether Jesus Christ is real or false, he frees me. He extends to me the joy that I need, the comfort that I need, the hope that I need, the Love that I need, the freedom I need and so much more. If I’m wrong about it, so be it. He is what I need at this present time and ever more. My prayer is that when it feels like there is no way out the hopeless bunch realizes that there is so much to live for…Guess I can say goodbye now, and thank you to the ones that are choosing to live. Better days to you. I love you even if you are some stranger on a TV show, a person that has done so many bad things you’ve lost count, someone that is choosing to live contrary to my beliefs, I love you…
Proverbs 14:13
Even in laughter the heart is sorrowful; and the end of that mirth(laughter) is heaviness.
Psalm 30:5
For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

When the heaviness returns, remember so will the morning come. God loves you, and His love, my love, our love can make things beautiful. May His peace and His favour rest on you. Please stay for the morning.


Please Hear What I Am Not Saying…


From Nasima, with love


               Don’t be fooled by me.
               Don’t be fooled by the face I wear
               for I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
               masks that I’m afraid to take off,
               and none of them is me.
               Pretending is an art that’s second nature with me,
               but don’t be fooled,
               for God’s sake don’t be fooled.
               I give you the impression that I’m secure,
               that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well

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Birdie Sails…

Welcome to Hawaii!!!
Growing up means making choices we may have never even considered. When you’re cornered, when you’re lost, when nothing seems to be working we are forced to make decisions. Decisions never considered…Oh, how beautiful it is when things actually work for the better. It creates a better you!

Birdie joins the NAVY!

One entire year and a few months in and now she’s seeing the world. How cool?! How inspiring?! She was the first of my friends to even mention military life AFTER high school. I think all of my friends dabbled with the idea of joining the military at some point while in high school. Every day we had some recruiter floating around looking well put together. It lures you in. Anyway, here are a few pictures snapped! I’m only loading up a few. It’s going to be pretty sweet to look back at moments like this! Happy Navy Anniversary, Birdie! I’m praying for you as you complete the next few years. Who would have thought my friends would enlist in the military? How shocking, love you guys-forever!