Archive for the ‘Depression’ Category

Committed-It Is Well

Here is the video…Great song! This is not the original version. 🙂
My favorite part is where it says, “what will my life be like now?” Tragedy has a way of making you ask that question. The song goes on to say I do know that if it is what you have allowed I do know that I can handle it…so while in my storm I’ll proudly proclaim that, It is well with me…Again, with Christ it is well.

Why is it Well?

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It is well with me, it is well with my soul?
Who says such a line after their child dies? The Shunamite woman said it! 2 Kings 4:8-37
How is it well when something so painful has happened?
First, let’s take a look at this woman, and what a woman she was. Okay, she constrains Elisha to eat bread. I’m guessing she made Elisha feel so welcomed that each time he was in Shunem he stopped in for more bread or maybe the bread was just that delicious! She then tells her husband that she perceives Elisha (a prophet) to be a holy man.
So, she consults with her husband and the two made a room, a fully furnished room for Elisha. Each time he came their way he had a place to eat and sleep. Clearly, she knew the definition of hospitality.
Elisha, so appreciative asked her how he could show his gratitude. I never know how a person can repay me for what I’ve done. I guess a thank you is sufficient. It is important to acknowledge what a person has done for you, but how can one repay another person. Gehazi, the servant of Elisha, noticed she was without child and her husband was old. So, was she not old just like her husband?
Elisha tells the Shunamite woman that this time next season she would have a child, a son. Quickly, she stated,” Nay, my Lord, thou man of God, do not lie unto thy handmaid.” It sounds so unbelievable she calls Elisha her Lord then says don’t lie to me. It almost feels like an oxymoron. But, when something sounds so great, we all say “Are you kidding me?” He wasn’t kidding. She had a son, just as the prophet had said. When the child was grown, he complained of his head (aching). The father sent him back to his mother. It was noon, and the boy died on the knees of his mother. Can you imagine your loved one dying on your arms, what a helpless feeling…
She picked up her grown son and carried him into the room she had made for Elisha. It is unclear how old her son is. But, where did she get the strength to carry a grown son up to lay him on the bed? She consulted her husband again, told him it shall be well, and she went speedily to the man of God, speedily. She even told the servant not to slow down unless she tells him to. This woman took matters into her own hands. Here I am wondering if I give orders how will I be perceived. She gave orders that day.
Her soul was vexed, yet she said it is well. The Lord hid it from Elisha, I wonder why, hmmm?
She told Elisha she wasn’t leaving until he came with her back home to see about her son, Elisha arose and followed her….Elisha shut the door on the mother and his servant and he prayed. The child was now alive!
With Christ no matter what happens, it is well, it is well, it is well. I hope to be in that place where I’m able to dry my eyes and boldly proclaim, “IT IS WELL.” It takes faith in the God of heaven to say such a profound line especially after such a profound occurrence.

Here is what I learned:

Elisha, the prophet, asked the Shunamite woman what he could do to bless her. He decided to prophesy that she would have a son. So, my question was if prophesy comes from God, how does Elisha just says this is what will be and it happens?

Answer: The Lord will back up the word that comes out of the mouth of his manservant (prophet) as long as it is in His will, and the manservant is living a righteous life. So, we can speak things in to existence, Elisha spoke this into existence. This is my interpretation. I’ll be back if along the way I’m corrected in anyway.

Isaiah 44:24-26 (I have to go with the amplified version on this one, because I was a little confused and needed some clarification). Thank God for clarity!

“This is what the Lord says—     your Redeemer, who formed you in the womb:

I am the Lord,     the Maker of all things,     who stretches out the heavens,     who spreads out the earth by myself, 25 who foils the signs of false prophets     and makes fools of diviners, who overthrows the learning of the wise     and turns it into nonsense, 26 who carries out the words of his servants

Return to Sender!

Here I was waiting and hoping for something to cling to.

Increasingly desperate, and then you came with your charming charm

The words you wrote, the words you spoke, it all almost became the captain of my life, and it all almost led me to the very place I thought I’d never go

Increasingly broken, I realized the words you wrote, the words you spoke They were all from me
Aware of the damage I saw where I was going, so I cracked the mirror and became a new me
Positive and strong
Beautiful and smart
Sophisticated and ready

Goodbye to every harsh word I almost allowed you to write on my heart. I choose to let them all drift into the sea

 

* Growing up I would always hear the children that were being bullied say, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” It’s easy to chant that, but our heart has a completely different reaction to harsh words. Some people say we become immune to it, but I disagree. I will say if the words don’t uplift you, then, throw it in the garbage where it belongs. You are not a trash can, you are beautifully and wonderfully made. Harsh words don’t always have to come from others they can come from us…yes, us.

Writing Topic: You discover a letter on a path that affects you deeply. Today, write about this encounter. And your twist? Be as succinct as possible.

I’ve Got Questions!

We do things, and say things because of traditions passed down from our dearly beloveds, and we never ask why. Some parents go so far as to tell their children, “Do as I say, and don’t ask why.” This same teaching has crossed over into the church. I’ve heard many people say, “Don’t ask God why.” It’s imperative that we find the answers for ourselves. We all get it wrong sometimes, but something this important YOU’LL need to find the answer to for yourself. After all, it is YOUR relationship.

So, we can ask for materialistic things, but we can’t ask God, why?

No, if there is something going on in my life that God has allowed I am going to ask God, WHY. He has all the answers, so why can’t I ask the teacher? Why should I just sit there and hold in my frustration, can’t I talk it out with my father. My questioning God is not my doubting Him. If I’m tired and I’m angry, isn’t it better for me to open my mouth and tell Him exactly how I feel. This is how bitterness sets in, through unanswered questions and holding frustrations in. He’s my Father, of course I can ask Him, why.

Job didn’t curse God, but he vented. Vented and questioned God why is this happening. Who wouldn’t? When we’re confused, that’s what we do we ask questions.

I’m glad that I can vent to God, because sometimes humans just don’t give you what you’re looking for. I’m so glad I can lay in His arm and ask God, what’s up? If you’re lost and you need a little confirmation to know what’s real going on–ASK HIM. He’s concerned

about your concerns.

(Help me to be still and accept whatever it is that God allows. Some things we just don’t understand. He’s God, we’re human, He’s unlimited in His knowledge, and we’re limited in ours. Oh, but he knows what he’s doing and has all the answers!)

Reminder: “Though it may hurt you, it won’t harm you.” <—because, it’s what God allows.

Hebrews 4:16
Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace in our time of need.

Philippians 4:6
…let your requests be made known unto God. pra

Please Stay…

LeeWhen I was 8, I had my first celebrity crush. At the time, I knew him as: The Famous Jett Jackson. Oh, how mesmerizing were his eyes. The fascinating thing about the show and my celebrity crush was that the show was about a teen attempting to live a normal life in North Carolina. I live in South Carolina! If I walk out of my house I just might meet him! So young, so hopeful…I thought one day he’s going to be my boyfriend. Later years, I always thought of him and his handsomeness. I especially liked him in Akeelah and the Bee. I received the sad news that someone so young, with such a promising life had committed suicide. I understand that celebrities are human, and I try not to get involved in their lives. I allow them to entertain me, and not necessarily their life story. I do not want to hear their gossip, follow their life (reality shows), I want privacy so I try to extend that much to them. There are a million other people that want the story, and I can’t help that. The Famous Jett Jackson ran across my mind about two weeks ago. Mr. Lee Thompson Young and his eyes. I begged my younger sister who has an account with every social media out there to look him up on Twitter and Instagram. A week later, I found out that he committed suicide. I literally wanted it to be a lie. Eventually realizing that it was all true I couldn’t stop talking about it. I wondered why I felt so connected to the story. I remember noticing someone close to me was having suicidal thoughts, and it hurts to see people in that much pain. I have always had the urge to go in and erase all of the pain as if it were a dry erase board. In this life there will be pain. It’s the consequence of a fallen world. The only way to be pain free is heaven. Not everyone has this view point, but I do. The person telling me how depressed they were told me they would never commit suicide. But, when the days grew darker all that the person said went out of the window. All of their morals and values went out the window; it was now all about getting rid of the pain. I had never seen so much pain, or personally experienced the pain they were explaining. I realized that there was nothing I could do. This was their choice to choose life, make lemonade with the seemingly absence of lemons, sugar, or pitcher…their choice.
Lee Thompson Young always seemed happy. He obviously held everything in, and felt this was his only option. No matter how much I want to NOT believe it. He’s gone. I wasn’t there to know the full details, but once you’re gone, you’re gone. When you choose suicide I can no longer call to say, hello when I need you. I can’t ask you for the hug that I need. You left me. I can only imagine how his family must feel. Now, if only they can be comforted. What bothers me about suicide is there are no real goodbyes, no consideration of other people. I’ve heard people call him a coward since his death, gay (only because they never saw his girlfriend-rolls eyes), and many other things. When I’m gone what will they say about me? Does it even matter? NO. What if he knew that it does not matter what other people thought of him. Would that have saved him? Your life is yours, live it. God gave you a free will. Yet, people don’ t. Guess who gave you life. You guessed it, God. I don’t think it’s cowardly to commit suicide. However, I do agree 100% that it is incredibly sad. My life is not my own, MY identity is in Christ and ultimately I belong to HIM. He decided when I’d be born, so he chooses my farewell to this earth. Not everyone feels this way. Nobody knows your pain, and when a cat is cornered, you know the rest. We all make mistakes when we’re feeling hopeless. I just wish more people would realize how precious this life is, and that there is hope as long as you have breath in your body. When in pain sometimes it seems no words can make it better, but someone can. Young found another religion, but if it doesn’t free you then what is the purpose. Whether Jesus Christ is real or false, he frees me. He extends to me the joy that I need, the comfort that I need, the hope that I need, the Love that I need, the freedom I need and so much more. If I’m wrong about it, so be it. He is what I need at this present time and ever more. My prayer is that when it feels like there is no way out the hopeless bunch realizes that there is so much to live for…Guess I can say goodbye now, and thank you to the ones that are choosing to live. Better days to you. I love you even if you are some stranger on a TV show, a person that has done so many bad things you’ve lost count, someone that is choosing to live contrary to my beliefs, I love you…
Proverbs 14:13
Even in laughter the heart is sorrowful; and the end of that mirth(laughter) is heaviness.
Psalm 30:5
For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

When the heaviness returns, remember so will the morning come. God loves you, and His love, my love, our love can make things beautiful. May His peace and His favour rest on you. Please stay for the morning.

Nosy, Mrs. Brown

Something went wrong.

I like the idea of seeing you before you see me. I want to be able to run away if I have to. Let me be prepared. Painfully, I am starting to realize plans change, and I will not always be prepared. I’m thirsting for Perfection, terribly. I don’t like surprises. I like plans. I think it through, and I want it to happen just the way I plan it.

Some days I just want to move in silence and be invisible. Hide and claim a temporary muteness. Maybe people would feel bad and leave me alone and not ask questions. I don’t want to talk about it.

Walking into the store and there she is. “Darling, how you been these days” she asked. I’m sure she’s heard the news by the concerned look. Whispering in my head all I could think was, PLEASE don’t be nosy today, Mrs. Brown. I’m already aggravated and I have to deal with this mess? What’s next? Of all the stores in Shulersville, why did I stop here?

I muster a smile in hopes that she’ll misread my heart and its true emotions, just hoping she’ll think that I’m okay just so we can make it a quick chat. Something went wrong, why do I need to talk about it. No, not today, Mrs. Brown–not today.

But, she has that concerned look in her eyes and my day…my week, this past month is just not what I want it to be. I don’t want to hear about how much I need to pray or it’ll get better. I heard that last week and the week before that. What’s a girl to do? I’m not quitting, I’m not living frivolously, and I just took some time off from work. I’ll be fine, I just don’t know how or when. I just want this hat to hide my face, these glasses to hide the pain, this shirt to hide what’s underneath.

“Suga, you don’t look well and you falling off, whatcha worrin’ bout?” says Mrs. Brown.

There’s that disapproving look that I was afraid of. As bad as I want to chew her out, I know around these parts that’s the death penalty for your reputation. Plus, she used to babysit my brother and I when we were younger. So, I’m going to suck it up. Besides she is sweet…I just don’t want to talk about me, because I refuse to cry in this store.

My life is in shambles, so why would I talk about it. No one in Shulersville knows what I’m going through including Mrs. Brown. “Look, Mrs. Brown, I said I’m fine!!” For a minute she stares. My mind went back to how my brother and I would sing “Brown bear, Brown bear what do you see…” She had this way of seeing everything. She was good. Steal a crumb of a cookie—she’ll know. She places her swiveled skinned hand, and freshly painted nails onto my tensed shoulders and pulled me over to a corner. I’m too weak to fight back the tears and I’m too weak to say or do anything equivalent to resistance. She yanked my glasses off and looked me in my eyes and tells me plainly: “Suga, you too sweet of a girl to go down like this. I know you do not want to go through this, but life isn’t always easy. And you are not the only one in Shulersville to have a bad season. Now, I’m sorry you lost your baby. I know how ya feel, I tell ya the truth. Why do you think I kept you and ya brother so much of the time?”

Shamefaced for yelling at Sweet Mrs. Brown, I said, “I don’t know…to make extra money maybe.”

She smiled the sweetest smile and told me that she had consecutive miscarriages. Mrs. Brown wanted us over to help fill the void of the very thing she had lost. Although, we could never replace the children she lost. My brother and I helped her heal. We helped her on the days that seemed unbearable. She reminded me that grieving is normal and that I will cry some days, but it’s alright to show my scars. She showed her scars and just like days gone by, like the scars from the many bicycle accidents she helped apply a Band-Aid and helped me heal in the same way we helped her, by simply being there.

–Fiction–